Palinbots Scare Me

I've seen a lot of videos circulating the web of clippings at Palin rallies expressing their opinion of Barack Obama. This is not the most disturbing, but it still one that makes me sad because it is a good example of how Palin's thoughtless remarks have polarized the nation. Yes, true die-hard racists have come out of the wood-work, but I like to believe that some of the people you see in these videos are basically good people who are mindlessly following the herd and altered their way of thinking in order to fit in. Conformity is contagious.

Pastafarians Chase Out Hatred

Found on http://freethoughtfortwayne.org/2008/09/22/the-score-is-now-flying-spaghetti-monster1-fred-phelps0/


Via the Arkansas Times blog we learn that Fred Phelps and his band of homophobic bigots from Westboro Baptist Church were recently driven out of Little Rock by a merry marauding band of Central Arkansas Pastafarians. The Pastafarians dressed as pirates in honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day, waved swords and signs bearing slogans such as “God hates shrimp — Leviticus” and “God hates cotton-polyester blends” confronted Phelps’ group. Passing cars honked and waved at the pleased Pastafarians while a nearby TV crew captured their antics, ignoring the group from Westboro Baptist. Eventually Phelps and the other anti-homosexual protesters were forced to pack up their “Fags Doom Nations” and “You’re Going To Hell” signs and leave town. Priceless!

Taking Risks.

RISK
Author unknown

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to others is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to do nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chained by their attitudes, they are a slave, they forfeited their freedom.

Only the person who risks can be free.

************************************************************

I found this piece online today, and loved it.
The mainstream West often looks at Buddhism as people who do nothing and just sit. But when you think about it, this, in the eyes of the West, is a risk in itself.

The West defines "doing nothing" as someone who doesn't take risks. This means we follow the path set before us, get a job, a place to work, and that's it. In our crazy, money-driven world so focused on achievement, where time is money, one of the riskiest things a person can do is take time off to just sit in zazen. A person is being risky if they actually take the time to eat breakfast, much less sit down and actually eat breakfast, enjoying every bite.

Buddhists, in every corner and culture of the world, take risks. Look at the monks in Burma. Or the Tibetian refugees in Nepal. The Buddhist community of South Korea.
Or, better yet, look at the monks, nuns, and lay Buddhists at your local sangha. Everyone of the them are taking risks in one way or another, big and small. Buddhism helps them deal with the risks in a way that is practical and thoughtful.

Bush vs. Jesus

Only in today's political world ^_^

Religion and Sexuality

I found this using StumbleUpon. It makes me glad that I am Buddhist.
Check it out.
http://www.acme.com/jef/religion_sex/

Keep in mind that this was compiled 14 years ago in 1994, so some views may have changed. What are your thoughts?
The topic of sexuality is a passionate one of mine. If a person is straight, gay, bisexual, or asexual, that's fine by me. It's not my business, or anyone else's.
I take issue with pedophilia, rape, and other unconsentual acts.
I am a passionate advocate of birth control, and a woman's right to have options in regards to her sexuality.

I think its because Buddhist do have a truely unique view on the world which affacts every aspect of life, even sexuality. The Middle Way which allows us to look at life without extremes and absolutes, finding moderation, even when the rest of the world denies the existance of such moderation. Sex can bring suffering. Embarassment, STDs, anger, emotional ties, questions. Maybe thats why so many religions condemn it outside of marriage. But Buddhists only take issue with sex when it brings suffering. Sex in itself is relatively free of suffering. It's an act, thats all. What brings suffering is how sex is used. One night stands, or leading a person on in a relationship only for sex, or engaging in unprotected sex when you have an STD, that can lead to suffering. Sexual addiction is also another form of suffering, or using sex as a distraction from real problems.
But healthy sex, as a part of a healthy relationship, that only adds to the relationship.

Once again, any thoughts?

Angels and Assholes

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realised God doesn’t work that way,
so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness."

- Emo Philips

This made me laugh.
It reminded me of one of the fallacies I would always question when I was a Christian; if we are guaranteed instant forgiveness upon asking, then why bother being good?

It somehow reminds me of my father.
My father used to have a serious drinking problem. He would drink and drink and drink until it was 4 in the morning, and he couldn't even stand. I would wake up the next morning, and he would be out on the porch at 9 am, in the bright sun, reading the paper. I have never seen my father with a hang-over. I doubt he's ever had one. And so he never learned, and would drink again the next night. Hangover's are God/Universe/Nature's way of saying, "Idiot. Try some self-discipline next time." Suffering exists for a reason; we learn from it. He never suffered, so he never learned. (Okay, he eventually learned)

I was raised Christian.
I never fit in too well. I got in trouble with my youth group a lot. I brought a lesbian to church once (she wasn't well received). I read "The DaVinci Code" on a bible retreat (one lady told me I was poisoning my mind with the Devil's work). I asked all the wrong questions that made leaders shift uncomfortably and change the subject. I argued when a youth group leader told me and several other young girls that the bible gives husbands a right to beat their wives while the other girls around me stood quietly, accepting their possible fate. I advocated (and still do) gay rights, bisexual rights, transgendered rights, women's rights, comprehensive sex education, cultural understanding/awareness, and freedom for others to express their religion peacefully.
I didn't fit in too well.
Needless to say, I am no longer Christian.

I will admit, I do carry a certain amount of pride that I was able to walk away from the Christian church without any grudges, spite, or hate. Really. It just didn't work for me, so I left in search of something else, which eventually became Buddhism. I met a lot of good Christians who actually take to heart Jesus's teachings of love and forgiveness. It works for them, and I will not judge them negatively because of it. And knowing that there are good natured Christians in the world helps me deal with the ones who preach hate and intolerance. Some people had such a bad experience with the church that they get together with other anti-Christians just to bitch and moan, spreading the false belief that all Christians are intolerant, all Christians are rude, all Christians are hateful.
And that just gets us nowhere.

"There are angels and assholes in every religion."

This is something I encourage fellow Buddhists, as well as anyone else who stumbles upon this blog, to remember. Especially in this election season, when it seems like the angels fade away as the assholes come out of the woodwork and turn on their microphones, preaching their agenda of intolerance. Don't let them get to you too much. If you do, then they're already winning. Just remember, for every loud and belligerant asshole, there are a dozen quiet angels of every belief, who live around us and are helping their neighbors, being thankful for what they have, volunteering for a good cause, humbly making a difference, and smiling kindly, even on the rainy days.








quote found at: http://www.banksy.co.uk/manifesto/

Anxiety.

My zen class held class at Uto-An, the local zen place of worship. I hesitate to use the words temple,monastary, or any other term for buddhist religious gathering, because it is simple a rented house where we do zazen in the livingroom. But there is suits our needs, and is simply Uto-An.
It's very peaceful, and Koun led us through a ceremony chanting the heart sutra, as well as a couple other chants, my favorite being one praising compassion.
It was fun. I am going to start going on Sundays, after mid-terms.

On a less-then-cheerful note, I have been dealing with a very debilitating anxiety condition. Anyone have any advice, particularly Buddhist-based advice, on how to deal with anxiety? It would be much appriciated.

Garrison Keillor Speaks of Impermanence

A Shame to Leave This World Early
by Garrison Keillor


I was in Santa Monica for a day last week, sampling baked figs at the farmers’ market on the Third Street promenade, a sweet sunny day that makes an old Midwesterner like me a little nervous. We fear seduction. Some days in California are so tender and delicious that a person could abandon all commitments and wind up living in blissful stupor in some cult devoted to the worship of the sky.

I have work to do. I haul it around in a black case the size of an anvil and when an hour or two opens up, in an airport or hotel, I dig in. I don’t lie on beaches, looking up at the sky. It’s blue in Santa Monica. You don’t have to look at it for long to figure that out.

My hotel was on the beach, so I headed back that way, crossing the Pacific Coast Highway on a pedestrian bridge. And there, 50 yards south of me, police cars and flashing blue lights. The northbound lanes of the PCH had been closed. A car sat in the middle lane, its rear end smashed in brutally. And south of it, a yellow tarp spread on the pavement. A body lay beneath it.
Then eight cops and EMTs lined up on either side of it, like pallbearers, and then they spread out a long white sheet which they held as a screen while the yellow tarp was pulled away and a police photographer took pictures with an enormous camera. A man in a dark suit bent over the body, studying it closely. The eight men stood quietly, hardly moving, and they looked straight at each other. They did not look at the body. It was a still-life scene, except for the flashing lights and the southbound traffic passing: eight men standing at attention, guarding a body, and two men moving with great delicacy around it, gathering evidence.

A blue sky over Santa Monica and on the beach, people lay on towels, sunning themselves. A few swimmers in the surf. Roller bladers out on the sidewalk and joggers, grunting about the presidential campaign. A day in which you’ve witnessed death takes on an aura of fragile loveliness. You breathe the salt air and you savor this on behalf of the dead and note the pencil-line delicacy of the long cane poles of the Japanese fishermen on the pier, the two triangles of white sail taut with wind on the distant boat, the skinny boy in blue trunks swinging high on the flying rings on the beach and soaring to the next set of rings. You see the portly man wade into the water and shudder as the water touches his testes and you feel it, the shudder of mortality. And visions of the fallen one stay with you.

A few hours later, online, news that the victim was a woman, 44, whose car had been rear-ended, that she had gotten out of her car and stood waiting for help to arrive and was struck and killed by a third vehicle. Her name was Alma and she was from Los Angeles.
The day goes on and though you don’t keep in mind the sight of the pallbearers around the body, the death attends you wherever you go. You imagine the woman’s plan for her day, maybe lunch in Malibu and a meeting at her kids’ school and supper and a movie afterward, a simple day in sunny L.A., and you abandon your own plan to work and instead you walk around looking at the shining world on behalf of Alma who died on the highway.

You buy a mango/papaya smoothie and a cafe mocha and in the face of death they are spectacular. You sit at a table in the brilliant sunshine, the light splashing off the stone facades and aluminum moldings. She was standing by her car waiting for help to arrive when she was struck by another vehicle and killed, and 30 minutes later men were standing at attention around her. It would be intolerable not to know the name of the woman. Attention must be paid. She trails alongside you as you walk into a bookstore full of art books and you pick up one with pictures of California beach houses, all whites and yellows and pale blues, sun-drenched rooms, bowls of flowers, cotton curtains, and the sea beyond. A beautiful world, Alma, and every day is a gift. I’m sorry you had to leave early.

Palin: Pro-Rape

I'll admit, I was hesitant on posting this on a blog that I wish to remain Buddhist base. I do not wish this blog to get too politically involved in the current election but, I suppose, as a woman from Palin's hometown, this is a little hard to do. I already have two or three blog mentioning Palin and my opinions about her.
This posting is different.
I am not posting this because I am against Palin.

I post this because I am Buddhist woman, one who is concerned about the suffering of the world, especially its women. And rape is definately a form of suffering, physically, emotionally, and mentally. It shouldn't have to include finacial suffering as well. I post this because I lived in Wasilla under Palin. Because Palin's pro-life stance is so extreme, it is no longer pro-life, it is pro-rape. There is no Middle Way in Palin's eyes, no room for compromise or consideration. Because I am a woman who lives in a state with one of the highest rape rates per capita. Because my sister in law was just raped last week. Because no woman should be charged $1200 after enduring a brutal rape. (Thank goodness then-governor Knowles got rid of that law.)


September 15, 2008
Life begins at rape... ask Mayor Sarah Palin
By Shannyn Moore

Can you imagine having to pay for the CSI (crime scene investigation-fingerprinting, photography, etc) if your home was robbed? What if a bill came for the breathalyzer tests if you'd been hit by a drunk driver? When Sarah Palin was mayor, the city of Wasilla had the most egregious policy against victims of rape in the state of Alaska, possibly the entire country. The rape kit, a set of items used by medical personnel for gathering and preserving physical evidence following a sexual assault, was charged to the victim. (note: step 6)

I sat with a rape victim during the "harvesting of evidence". Mascara smeared eyes stared blankly out from a cave of shame. "We've got swimmers," announced the forensic tech in the lab next door. My friend didn't look surprised. In her 60's, she was still asked if she felt the need for emergency contraception. Surviving the process would have only been compounded and made worse with an itemized bill; victimized twice courtesy of Sarah Palin and the city of Wasilla.
Much can be learned about the Palin Administration's family values from reviewing their spending priorities. Former Chief of Police Irl Stambaugh included forensic rape kits (up to $1,200 per kit) in his budget requests. He was fired by Palin in 1997. In her termination letter, Palin wrote, "…I do not feel I have your full support in my efforts to govern the city of Wasilla. Therefore I intend to terminate your employment. . . " Staumbaugh headed the police department since it was created in 1993. Before that, he served 22 years with the Anchorage Police Department rising to the rank of captain. Sarah Palin hired Charlie Fannon as the new Wasilla Chief of Police and said it was one of her best decisions as mayor. Fannon eliminated the forensic rape kits from the budget. Though the number of rapes weren't reported, Fannon claimed it would save Wasilla taxpayers $5,000 to $14,000 a year.

When Eric Croft, a Democrat Legislator from Anchorage, learned of Wasilla's policy, he drafted HB 270, which Governor Tony Knowles signed into law. The new law made it illegal for any law enforcement agency to bill victims or victims' insurance companies for the costs of examinations to collect evidence of a sexual assault or determine if a sexual assault actually occurred. Upon signing the law, Governor Knowles said, "We would never bill the victim of a burglary for the cost of gathering evidence, nor should we bill rape victims just because the crime scene happens to be their bodies."

Wasilla Police Chief Fannon protested the new law stating it would require the city and communities to come up with more funds to cover the costs of the forensic exams. Really? Are the true costs of sexual assault and forcible rape in a community only measured and reflected in the dollars spent on the forensic rape kit?

Alaska has the nation's highest per-capita rate of forcible rape. A disproportionate number of rape and sexual assault victims are Native Alaskan women. Alaska Native people in Anchorage were 9.7 times more likely to be sexually assaulted than others living in the city between 2000 and 2003. Alaska crime statistics never seemed to make a "Northern Exposure" episode. But this isn't about statistics-real lives were affected by Palin's regressive policies. One thing Alaska can't seem to export is the fundamental information around a woman's rights. Alaska "liberalized" abortion laws before Roe v. Wade. Our dirty secret had to do with a woman's right to be safe from rapists. This right to choose was not only threatened, but abolished with Sarah Palin's archaic policy as Mayor of Wasilla. The rape kit included emergency contraception. To be sure, emergency contraception is not, nor does it cause an abortion. In fact, ec prevents pregnancy and therefore reduces abortions.

Under Palin's Administration, "Life Begins at Rape" for women unable to pay for their forensic evidence gathering. Justice is served to women who can afford it and denied for those who can't. I live in Alaska-the wealthiest of the 50 states! Forcing rape victims to pay for their own forensic rape kits is something one would expect to find in a fundamentalist country overseas. I have outrage fatigue. I can't decide which facet of this policy is more upsetting. Is it the denial of justice for the poor? Is it the punishment of women who had been raped? Is it the political policies of a woman so entrenched in the "Pro-Life" movement she would deny justice to a victim? This is not a "Pro-Life" policy. This is a "Pro-Rapist" policy, and forced pregnancy policy.
It should be noted Joe Biden introduced legislation to fund rape kits to women in America. John McCain voted against it.

When Sarah Palin was elected Alaska's first female governor, I hoped these issues would be addressed as part of her "historic" platform. When Amnesty International published their study on rape statistics and Alaskan women, the response was pathetic. The now dismissed Commissioner of Public Safety, Walt Monegan, acknowledged the lack of law enforcement in Alaska as part of the problem. Since that time, Walt Monegan has been fired and $2.5 million dollars threatened from the budget for State Troopers. John Cyr is executive director of the Public Safety Employees Association, and has been very critical of the Palin administration's commitment to keep Alaskan's safer.

Under the Palin Administration, a law was passed that specifically deals with rapists. I am not making this up. It is now illegal for Alaskans to buy or sell the "Rapist No. 1" doll. Oh, you haven't heard of it? It's an "action figure" from Quentin Tarantino's film "Grindhouse." Yes, really. So now if you're raped, you can take comfort in knowing Alaska outlawed an action figure.
For all the Alaskans who have taken the charge to protect fellow citizens from predators, this was A GIANT WASTE OF TIME. It's embarrassing to write this. Who in the hell has been prosecuted for this "outrageous" purchase. Did she think people in Alaska with the propensity to rape women were suddenly dissuaded because they couldn't buy a movie action figure?
If Alaska's sexual assault statistics were true for the rest of the country, rape would be considered an epidemic and the National Guard would be called up. As Mayor and Governor, Sarah Palin has made justice illusive to criminals and forensics a commodity that victims must purchase. Meanwhile, rape prevention sits on the backburner. Being a rape victim isn't necessary for outrage. You don't need ovaries to protect the physical sanctity of fellow citizens. Life does not begin at rape, it just gets harder.



My apologies that the links don not work. The original article can be found here:
http://alaskareport.com/news98/x61620_rape_palin.htm

Polar Bears

A piece written by my favorite feminist, Eve Ensler. It reflects my feelings perfectly in regards to Sarah Palin, my state's governor. Enjoy.

I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God."

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.

She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.

Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.

Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.

If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, "Drill Drill Drill." I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.

Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?

The Middle Way of Death.

Today is the 7th anniversary of the 9/11 event, and as I read the posts of various blogs I follow, of the editor letters in the paper, and general internet chatter, I find myself thinking about death.

Especially the topic of mourning a death of a loved one. Death, and our reaction to it, is a perfect example of the Middle Way that Buddha lived and taught. You see, when you think about it, its rather selfish to mourn the death of someone. If you believe in a life after death, either Heaven, Pure Land, reincarnation, etc, then you can be comforted by the hope that maybe they are in a better place. If you are of the opinion that death is the final end, then you can be comforted that they are no longer suffering. Either way, mourning is selfish, a way to comfort ourselves, to drown ourselves in regret, sorrow, and loss.

Yet modern psychology tells us that mourning is A) perfectly natural and B) healthy, when done properly.

In order to further understand, we must realize that the word "selfish" is free of any positive or negative connotations. To be selfish, in it's truest sense, is merely to take care of one's body and mind. Now one can be too selfish, or not selfish enough, and both of those paths lead to suffering.

The purpose of mourning is simply a way to deal with death, to recognize our attachment to that person, and to learn to let go of that attachment. Sounds healthy enough, and usually it is. Sometimes though we take that sorrow and loss and wrap it around us, letting it overwhelm us, drowning in the despair like an angsty teenager without a prom date, shaking a fist at the sky and saying "Oh, woe is me!"
When we do that, we are not mourning for that person, but for what we've personally lost, and in doing so, I think, is rather disrespectful of the deceased. We are supposed to be mourning for them, reflecting and acknowledging their life, not obsessing over what we have lost and forgetting the present moments passing us by. Its rather ironic when you think about it; we lose present moments by obsessing over what we have lost. By obsessing over the loss of a life, we lose part of ours.

Another way people try to deal with death is to be strong, not letting their natural emotions affect them at all, and go back to their daily lives. They may throw themselves into their work, or keep as busy as possible so they won't have to deal with the person's death. Psychologically speaking this is unhealthy because the person is not confronting the death and their feelings connected to the loss, and because they do so, they are denying reality, thus creating dukka (dissatisfaction).

Thus we have the middle way of death and mourning, to acknowledge the death, deal with our feelings surrounding the death, honoring the dead by reflecting on their life, and not using their death as an excuse to feel sorry for ourselves, or denying the affect their death has on us altogether. Letting go of our attachment to their lives and moving on with ours.

Yoga Nidra

Last night we had a relaxing yoga nidra class and before hand did a 108 mala chant of "Om Lokah Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu" (may all beings everywhere be free and happy), in honor of the anniversary of 9/11. It was my first time actually using a mala and now has cemented my desire to purchase one. I had been curious about them for a while.

Momentary Bliss

The most peculiar thing happened to me this morning. The exact instant I woke up, I had it.

For a split second, I had it.

For a split second, everything made sense.

The well known phrase "Emptiness is form, form is emptiness" (heart sutra) had been on my mind a lot lately. I haven't been trying to make sense of it so much as just becoming familiar with it and the concept, especially the definition of emptiness. The more I get into this, the more I realize that "emptiness" doesn't seem to be the exact right word, but it's the closest we have in our language. It feels as if something is lost in translation, and we use to word emptiness to describe whatever it is, for lack of a better word. It works well enough, especially when you remove the negative connotation emptiness has been associated with in the Western world.

Anyways, when I woke up this morning, it flashed through my thoughts, applied itself perfectly to the concepts of the eight-fold path, and for a split second, everything made sense and the biggest smilespread on my face. I was happy before I even realized why I was happy. I don't think even now I fully realize/understand why I was so happy. It felt like a release.

For a split second.

It died as qucikly as it appeared, probably because my brain, although understanding it, was trying to apply it in a logical fasion, and I lost it.

But it was a cool feeling.

I'm not making any claims to enlightenment, all I'm saying is that today, for the briefest of moments, I understood something better then I had before, and it was nifty.

Clinging to Suffering

As I've been practicing Buddhism and applying its teachings in my life, I've made an observation that never fails to surprise me.
Peopl, often don't want to let go of our suffering. Some things that cause suffering are easy to let go of. But once and a while, we encounter something, a point of suffering we don't want let go of. We tend to wrap it around ourselves like a comforting blanket.
I've noticed several examples of this within myself as I practice, but the latest (and most extreme) example of this that I've noticed is a loss of a relationship. A friend of mine is still in love with a man, even though it's been over a year since they broke up. They still hang out a lot, so she has never had any time to get closure, let go, and move on with her life. She constantly clings to the notion that their getting back together would make her life better. By doing this she rejects the reality around her, and creates her own reality where she and him are back together, and life is perfect because of it, and because of this, she constantly suffers. It breaks my heart every time I hear her mention it, every time she calls me crying. She needs to let go, accept the reality of the situation, and move on so she can enjoy her life. She knows this, has admitted to knowing this, and yet she refuses to let go, or even attempt to let go. She keeps him close, a constant reminder of what she had, and what she wants.
I want to help her let go and relieve her suffering, but I don't know how. The only thing I can do is let her learn to let go, and comfort her every way I can until then.
I've done this too, I think most everyone has at some point in time, no matter how long or brief. Humans are social creatures, and we crave comfort, we crave companionship and closeness. To have someone to love and trust is is invaluable in a society where everyone puts their needs first.

Anyways, this is something I've noticed again and again. As I've practiced the Middle Way and applying Buddha's teachings to my life, I have come across causes of suffering that I can deal with easily, and causes of suffering that I don't wish to let go of, even though I know I must in order to relieve the suffering they cause. People will sometimes come to a source of suffering that they don't want to let go of, even though they know it will cause suffering.

She is one of my dearest friends, even though I've only seen her a handful of times since college started, we have survived much together, from a grueling chemistry course to being chased by Italians across the Florence plaza, to experiencing the top of the Effeil Tower together. I hope she gets through this.